"Spock, you are fully capable of deciding your own destiny. The question
you face is: which path will you choose? This is something only you can
decide."
That is one of my favorite quotes from the 2009 reboot of Star Trek. It might seem somewhat lame at first, but when you dig deeper, you'll find it's really inspiring.
We wake up everyday and decide the simple things: Coffee or juice? Shave or keep the stubble? Put the dishes away from the last night or not?
As our day progresses, our decisions increase in complexity: Which project at work is more important? Should I pay this bill or wait? Am I going to the gym today?
And at some point, we ask ourselves the serious questions: Am I good enough? Am I hot enough? Do people like me or are they just letting me know what I want to hear? Am I happy? Why do I do the same things over and over and over?
It's that last set of questions that has really gotten to me recently. For two years now, I've found myself on a rollercoaster of emotions. I've dealt with them in both very positive and very negative ways. I've loved people, hurt people, gained focus and fallen of the cliff. So much has happened and just recently I've been able to see the impact.
Two years ago I was fit, a runner and weighed about 125 lbs. Today, I'm 28, 170 lbs, a heavy-smoker and an all around couch potato. I get down on myself and that just encourages me to eat and smoke away my feelings. To be honest, I'm sick of it.
I recently returned from a trip to California. Although it was a designated work trip, I did find time to take in the sites and reflect on where I was, where am i today and where I'm going. When I looked at the future me, projecting my from current self, I wasn't happy. Where would I be in 5, 10, 15 years? Overweight, unhappy and looking for the most unhealthy things to bury my deepest fears and regrets.
Nope.
It's time for me to make a change. That's why I've setup this blog, to keep record of the events over the next few months. I call it my Road to Recovery. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm ready to make one of the biggest physical and emotional journeys of my life.
This is zero hour.
Tomorrow is day one.
